TOTAL DRAMA ALL-STARS: "You Regatta Be Kidding Me" Recap

By Evan Yeong


A flurry of furious fists last week settled a sibling rivalry, rebuilt a friendship, and almost uncovered a dangerous secret. Yet another contestant was sent home (which was probably for the best, knowing Sierra), shrinking the teams and making a merger seem imminent. Chris McLean voted against that however, with Heroes and Villains expecting yet another team vs. team faceoff the following morning.


The contestants assemble around the show’s host only to hear him announce that the teams are merging. Today’s challenge marks the first free for all, with only one of them emerging the victor. Small teams are hastily formed in spite of this, and then it’s off to the regatta.

Oh, sorry, a regatta is a boat race, and this one will be around the entire island. They’ll have their pick of boats, but “some […] are seaworthy, some are sinkarific.” It’s also first come first served. While only one will be crossing the finish line as winner all of them will be facing obstacles courtesy of Chef.

Alejandro puts his working legs to good use and makes it to a speedboat, and behind him are Gwen and Courtney who both hop into the other one. Mal grabs a tugboat, but not after sabotaging as many of the remaining watercraft as he can. Cameron and Zoey are left with the raft, as are Duncan and Scott.

Problems arise for everyone, whether it’s a speedboat’s engine stalling, being hit by Chef’s projectiles while racing through Coconut Alley, or getting distracted by the impressive view of Chris’s cottage (“Mansion!). The group on the raft gain an impressive burst of speed after Cameron comes up with the idea to use Scott as bait and Fang as their engine.

Zoey decides to ensure that Mike is really himself by stranding herself on a pole above ravenous piranhas. He, Mal, goes back, “but only because otherwise it’ll look ‘suspicious.’” Cameron can’t hold Scott up without Zoey, and all four of them lose the lead.

After coming back to life, Alejandro’s engine gives out again mere inches from the end of the racecourse. Courtney and Gwen are just about to zoom past him when he runs to the prow and sticks his face across the finish line.

Alejandro wins. By a nose.


As winner Alejandro gains immunity, as well as a night at the Spa Hotel. He has the option of inviting one contestant to join him, but tells everyone that he “cannot play favourites and break all of [their] hearts.”

No one will be exiled to Boney Island as a reward for making it to the merge. Voting still has to happen, though, and Cameron is chosen unanimously. This can’t be right, since he voted for Scott out of fear that the other boy would want revenge for putting him in danger.

But it’s Duncan who will be leaving, though not via the Flush of Shame. He spent the better part of the challenge blowing up Chris McLean’s house and is “under arrest for destruction of a private cottage” (“Mansion!”).

Duncan the Destroyer is eliminated.


Things could not be better with Gwen and Courtney. They both believe in putting friends first, and simultaneously tell each other that “If I don’t win the million bucks I hope you do!” Their friendship isn’t the sort of thing Chris is a fan of, but it stays strong throughout the episode.

Duncan’s still upset about people thinking he’s gone soft, and his attempts at bad boy behaviour don’t pan out as intended. An attempt to crash Chef’s vehicle results in him being told: “Duncan, you fixed my jeep, you’re a good kid!” This of course leads to the destruction of Chris’s cottage (“Mansion!).

Cameron and Zoey agree to team up for the long haul. It’s “Friendship Finale Version 2.0,” but Mal wants in on it too. This makes Cameron understandably nervous.

Deep inside Mike’s head he manages to free himself, and soon after liberates alternate personality Chester as well. He takes control for a few seconds, and again later when he hears Zoey is in trouble. Mal still has the most power, but Mike seems to have a fighting chance now.

Duncan tells both Gwen and Courtney about Mal running juvie back in the day, but they laugh at him. Mike’s evil persona attempts to broker an alliance with Alejandro, who finds the idea “intriguing and unexpected.” He’s into that, and accepts. Mal was also the one to rig the votes against Cameron.

  • CultureWarReporterEvan

    Apologies to anyone looking for the YouTube video of what happens to Duncan. There were a few corrupted files, and the people in charge are working to get everything fixed as soon as they can.

    • survivovr12311

      Are they still trying to fix the corrupted files? :O